I Am Sorry!

10849760_719038058192913_1804122520339605633_nI am sorry, I shouted at you,
I am sorry I got angry,
I am sorry that I was not there,
But it was not something,
I ever expected,
I didn’t know you will be lost,
I didn’t know I will never see you,
I was angry that you kept me waiting,
I was angry that you didn’t see me,
But I never knew that unhappy I will be last,
Which talked to you.

I am still angry,
You didn’t fill the promise,
You said you will come back,
You promised that I will be the one,
You will first meet.
And look at you! You are gone,
Leaving us all in shock,
And a promise which will make me regret,
My last anger for life.

You remember,
It wasn’t long when we got close,
We shared bench, we shared lunch,
Taking nap during break,
Cracking jokes and pulling pranks,
I have always missed that,
You remember,
4th bench of the first row,
For All the 4 years,
Yes you missed one,
And you bragged about that one,
That you had so much fun.

I hope it was not true,
I hope you were all fine,
I hope you still there to dance,
Like a maniac, like a drunkard,
I hope that we can still pull your legs,
Tell you off for the flirt you were,
I hope I was not angry,
On the last call,
I hope I had the chance to say,
But it is late, you are gone,
And all I can do is to say it again, I am sorry!

5 Years of University: A jumpy ride

21st September 2010, the first time I stepped down of Bus No. 25 and made my way to Cockcroft reception, I was not sure about how it will go down in next few years. Still teenager, I was intimidated for a while but the large gallery of University had many other works and it didn’t take me long to figure out that I have to find out what I am worth and this will be the place for next few years when I can turn into a masterpiece. Every year passed teaching me, perfecting me, testing me and here I am, a Masters of Electrical and Electronics Engineering with a First class degree. If I start capturing every moment I enjoyed, the moments which taught me lessons for life and others which turned me from a teenager to a man it will few hundred pages.  There is a long list of people I have to thank and some of them will be mentioned below, but that doesn’t mean others are forgotten. I am thankful to every Individual I met along my journey of five years of university.

The First day of university started with making light weight robots in group and competing with other group in different exercises and followed by assembling, soldering and testing a signal generator guided by Ian watts and Deshinder Singh Gill (Deshi) and I gathered that it is all going to be exciting ride and everyday will be different. The life was like a TV drama where the main story line was soldering, striping wire, writing software codes and deciding what to write in next report submission with commercial breaks of partying hard and having laughs with friends. Every season had some new characters, new story line but all leading to one goal, making a non-repeating amazing experience.

First year having just one focus to do good for my career I was reserved and then I became a student ambassador in my second year. I did realize there are many things I am running away from and I can do it all without changing my focus. I made friends for life, I found new family. Third year a new city, a new place shaped my career. Working for Rolls-Royce Motor Cars not only taught me lessons of life but made me confident and I did realize the potential I have and asset I can be to a workplace. Fellow staff Like Antonio and Goncalo were there to encourage and guide. I couldn’t have got a better mentor for the first job in my field. Fourth and fifth year were there to test me to the extreme. Maintaining work, university and social life was not a piece of cake but isn’t that what life is all about? There were moments of depression, threat of failure, promises to keep with success I achieved, innovation I came up with, skills I learnt, confidence I gained and trust among friendships I made. Thinking about it all together it makes me feel, Bloody hell it was a jumpy but amazing ride.

I cherish the moments I lived, satisfied with what I achieved and happy for the choices I made before coming to Brighton University and during my university period. However, this all cannot have been accomplished by some special ones. My mother who always had my back and sending positive vibes throughout my life and my siblings who were ready to be on other side of phone for hours not to let me homesick. The dream team tag wouldn’t have been there If Jason and Tinashe were not the part of success we achieved together, friendly competition we had and support we gave each other while sharing our academic strengths. Chaandini was there to fill the family void in UK and can’t thank her enough for letting me in her family, celebrations and party plans. Thank-you all who did share laugh with me, were there in my hard times and without whom I couldn’t have appreciated the memorable journey I had in last 5 year and made me a successful part of the successful class of 2015 for University of Brighton.

In your Memories! Yvonne!

Sitting on floor, heads in your lap,
Talking gibberish and taking nap,
Never felt alone when you were there,
Gave motherly love and took our care,
Was fun to get scolds from you,
Deliberately held fork in wrong hands to
Get told off by you.

Why is there no salad in your plate?
Don’t talk in your language in public,
Behave that you don’t have to be sorry,
Say thank you and please everywhere possibly.
This is just drops of what I learnt from you,
There was no one who could have replaced you.

Cooking porridge for everyone for breakfast,
Giving orange juice to everyone in glass,
Bringing home food whenever you can,
Cooking for those who have no food for them.
Food from your hand was delight
Ginger tea sometimes was dine for us.

You were a fighter, you were inspiration,
You were the reason for our many alteration,
Talking to you was always amazing,
You taught everyone the feeling of giving.
We always found a mother in you,
You were the first to come in mind when I felt low.

Yvonne, it will be lie to say that this is all I feel,
Words are less to capture all those reel,
And you remember you always hated lies,
So I will tell you the truth about what I feel,
I am lucky to have met you in life,
Your words, your memories
Will try to heal your absence.

Yvonne, you were always special for me,
You filled a big space of my life,
How, I can’t describe
What I have received from you will
Be always a lesson, will use it!
That you feel proud to see me
From wherever you can.

Yvonne: Photo from Mags Alexander
Yvonne, will Always miss you!! Rest In peace
Photo from Mags Alexander

MummyJee! You are My complete world!

 

momA tradition I was introduced after I came to UK was to celebrate Mother’s Day. The day to thank your mother for what she has done for you, for always being there for you. To attach all your emotions in cards and present and try to give her smile and make her proud to be your mum.

First year I was introduced I decided to call my ‘Mummyjee’ (that’s how I address her)and just wish her by saying ‘Happy mother’s day. Thanks for always being there for me and it is all because of you that I am at this height . She blessed me and said this is just beginning of your life,you don’t have to tell me how you feel for me, I know it and I will see what I did was worth If I can feel the same in my old age. And than the topic was changed. But I was left in puzzles.

What I am in my life yet a huge credit goes to my Mum. After we siblings were left with her following father’s death it would not be a surprise if our life was surrounded by farms and work. However, my mum was there. She pulled us all out, encouraged us and showed a goal, dreamt with us and here are we. It was not an easy task for a widow mother with no income source to deal with upbringing of four growing kids., to give them right attitude, discipline, education and food and she did it. She never broke, she fought and still living a hard life that we can be successful and fulfil our dreams which is her dream. How can thanking her just one day in a year can justify for all what she had done. Since then I don’t wish her on the day of ‘MOTHERS’ DAY but try to keep her happy and make her feel every day that ‘Mummyjee, My feeling for you haven’t changed. I am grateful to you and will always be.’ I know what ever I do that it will never equate with what ever she done for me. So thankful to God that I got you as my Mummyjee.

*************************************************

माँ,
है ना ये पूर्ण संसार खुद में?

माँ, है तू कारण
मेरे आस्तित्व का,
मेरी हर सांस तेरे आशीर्वाद से चली,
आज हर पग मेरी सफलता के,
तेरी दुआ का असर हैं|
है तेरे कर्म का असर की आज
सर उठा के जी रहे हम|

माँ,
सोच भी सकते नहीं तेरे दिल का हाल,
न समझ सकते कैसे पार किया
तूने इस कठनाई को,
देने एक अमूल्य सुलझा जीवन हमे|
देखे तूने सपने हमारे बदले,
दिया हमे मौका खुद के सपने देखने का|

माँ, औरों का तो पता नहीं,
लेकिन है तू मेरे लिए पूरा संसार,
खुद न जी कर दिया हमे जीवन,
रोम रोम है कर्जदार तेरा,
धन्य हूँ मैं की तू मेरी
माँ है!!!

*************************************************

An Idle Evening at work!!!

Who doesn’t like a day of rest?
Who runs away from the pleasure of fest?
We wait, we dream of days like these,
When we can have pasta and cheese,
But what about when you are at work,
Waiting for the time of your turn,
You can’t lie, neither can you watch,
End up counting time on your watch.
Your ideology stops you to waste your time,
Having less work make you do that crime.

I had it today, the hard work of being idle all day,
Work was limited, time was boundless,
Was one among two for the day of jobless,
I dug for work in my hard drive,
Clear up everything which was nice,
Than I was left with no work due
What should I do, had no clue.
I read bit of news,
Took my time to update social views
Still had time for the end,
Felt like saying now it’s over or I will faint.
But finally the wait was over,
Time came when it was work for us to cover
It went smooth and it was done.

I better have a holiday or extra work every day,
Than sitting idle at work place all day.

Think!!! You may collide with Future fall

Where are you mummy? The 3-year old girl sobbed to her mother on the phone. Her sobbing and the voice was itself explainable.

Mother also was filled with tears. However this was the only thing she can do. She was here just because of her.

A girl was married at the time when it was her time to build up her future. When she was supposed to carry a book bag she was in ‘Sharee (A clothing Used in south Asian women)’ surrounded by family rituals. She was not in will to do that but family and society were enough to make her to do as they want. However luckily she was able to get support of her husband and goddess mother-in-law, a very rare species of human found in Indian village.  She continued her study but was unable to maintain everything on her own. She sat in governmental job vacancies but they all needed a very concentrated study.

By this time she had a 2 and a half year old girl, a cute, intelligent actually a toy girl. She was herself enough to keep everyone busy by her side. She has only given permission to her mother to be away from her while Institute time.

Generally if she asks where is mamma? The only reply to keep her quite was, “she has gone to study”.

Oh! Studying. It’s OK.

This is not a new situation happening with an Indian Village girl.  Most of the girls live a life without any independency. Till they are married they have to follow their parents after that husbands and his family.

Where a country with a boosting economy is growing rapidly in metropolitan cities, the same place it is going backward and backward in villages.

What’s wrong with it!!!  This is what u can expect if the first teacher of Human life is Illiterate. She was supposed to teach the baby since it was in womb.

We will have to step out and do our best to teach the first teacher to save our self from fall which we may collide very soon.

 

Tiled Step

Have you ever walked putting steps one in every tile wangled on the footpath? Have you ever sat on a gravelled place trying to hit a big gravel bit further again and again? Have you ever pointed hard on your notebook with your pen or compass to see how many pages you can see the points on and next time again do it harder that have your extra effort have left some extra marks or not?
These are some of the things usually we have tried when we were young and some time even when we are youth enough to not to do such nonsense activities. But why we do so? Why we are so keen to know that can we do this? I have also done the same. I have run faster more than my possibilities to hit the target I decided before a bike or a car honking behind me passes away me. I have the broken pen in pricing my notebooks. I have sliced my finger on onions’ place to compete the school cook. Adding to them I have done a lot of more funny stuff. What was the conclusion after I succeed or I was left far away from myself made target? First if I have succeeded I have increased the target range for the next time. And if I lost I have tried harder next time to achieve it. Next time I was more careful that I do step in the cuts of the tile and pass through the targeted tile finally. And If I finished I have tried next time on even smaller tiles.
This is not only me; believe it is same with most of us. Don’t we?
So here is the point if we are so desperate to achieve the goal even though they are funny and tried again in case we have failed harder next time, that why not in real life condition? After having some failures why we start to think that it is not possible?
The every competition I am in is the tile I have to step in. I have to walk through every one of them and if I did fail and step on the cuts, I will go back and walk again till I achieve it. I hope you will do the same.

The BLACK Lightening

We were packed under the roof praying to have some shower which will drive away the extreme summer effect. To save myself from the effect of sun despite I knew that it is not going to make a big difference; I even ran through 5m distance towards the roof shed from the tube well.
Wow! Is that a big bunch of clouds surrounding the whole area! Within minutes the extremely painful summer weather changed to a stormy one. But still the later one was gave us a relief sigh because the next part we can imagine was rain, not only drizzle but Cats and Dogs.
With a strike we started to manage the items of our mud house to save them from getting dump in case of rain. We heard thunders and wheezing sound of Storm producing other sounds in the environment.
At last! We were going to have rain and soon enough we saw big drops of water including a bit of hail was watering the dry earth.
FLASH! What was that? Is someone shooting with well developed camera? No. it was far way stronger. A great Arrow shaped lightening dazzled our eyes and seemed to crack the ground with extremely loud thunder following it.
Alas! The lightening flash which has lightened the area for a time even lesser that the blink of eyes brought darkness for life long for a family. Actually it fell upon a boy eating mango in a mango grove. His half body was burnt up and seemed as somehow boiled and mashed potato. May god give peace to the soul!!!
Was this the payment god took for giving a few hours relief from the sun. I think it was far way expensive cost and no one is likely to pay such cost But as these things are also such we cannot predict before.